Blogged book on spiritual leadership done; plus, how the church should work with teen mothers

First, my book on spiritual leadership is done, and can be read here:
http://takethespirituallead.blogspot.com/

I encourage all young peple to read and be encouraged; and to take the led. I really encourage any teen mothers who might be reading this post to do so, too, or to pass it on to others.

However, I also wanted to post shorter version of a paper I did for a class, which talks about how the Christian church should be helping teen moms. Something I encourage all pastors and church members to read and follow. If you'd like me to come as a speaker to your church and present this idea, or just as a general evangelist or speaker, let me know at my contact info.

Also, to teen moms who might be reading this, I'm sorry if others haven't treated you so well, but you know, Jesus Himself said there wuold be many false shepherds who would say they served in his name but they never did; and He will say He never knew them. We who are true Christians should be known by our love.

SOrry for the ramble, here goes:

Titus 2:3-5, and A Church Ministry for Teen Mothers

In Titus 2:3-5, Paul advises Titus, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, that older woman should mentor younger ones, teaching them to love their children, to be good homemakers, and so on. While the meaning is for married women, we must not neglect to apply this text to the growing problem of teen pregnancy. This is a problem which the Christian church must react to with Christlike love, so teen mothers can be won to Christ and become good, Godly mothers. It is an imperative that Christ Himself calls us to, when He commands us to “go into all the world.” Jesus, after all, came to seek and save that which was lost.

Teen pregnancy is an enormous problem. The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world. It is estimated that up to forty percent of girls below the age of 20 get pregnant, with a child born to a teen mother ever minute! Sixty percent of these girls live in poverty. They are less likely to have finished school, and more likely to be single parents.

Certainly, saved girls wind up pregnant, too; we are all capable of any sin, because of our fleshly nature. We are all lost without Jesus. The point is that we are not to think too highly of ourselves. We are not to consider ourselves more worthy of His love than others are. We, like Jesus, should seek those who have erred.

Another reason we should help is that we are to bear one another’s burdens. We must “deal tenderly with those who are overtaken in a fault.” We should exhort and counsel with a spirit of humbleness. We are expected to labor “by faithful reproofs and penitent and seasonable councils.” There should be a sense of mercy in our correction, confirming our love with a spirit of meekness toward those we encounter. Our judgments should never be critical, as critical judgments are destructive. God wants us to be charitable in all our dealings, as “charitable judgments are rooted in the goodness and power of God.” Loving and forgiving one another provides the most powerful testimony to outsiders. If we don’t love in the midst of conflict, we damage our testimony. By showing that love, many people can be brought in from the outside who are seeking such charitable judgment and tender acceptance.

One such group requiring this is teen mothers. Whether saved or lost, they are often very needy on many levels, including employment, education, and health. Also, many feel less capable of providing chances for intellectual stimulation.

Teen pregnancy affects the entire family. The lack of confidence in their ability impacts their children, as well. Their younger sisters are two to six times more likely to become pregnant and be active earlier sexually, as they model their older sisters’ behavior. There are numerous conflicts that need resolved: The person has sinned against God, she must raise a child when still maturing herself, and so on. Different problems likely exist the pregnancy is not the result of a consensual act.

The specific ministry setting for such a counseling ministry would be a high school (and, at rare times, middle school) one, or one at least equipped to deal with such children; an inner city ministry, for instance.

It should involve older, understanding, and forgiving women as mentors. The Bible instructs older ladies to train younger ones in family matters. Our need to be forgiving, as noted above, means that such experienced women should also be available to mentor teen mothers in the art of raising children. At times, also, a spiritually mature student or experienced ministry worker can also help. The more people who are involved, the better it will be.

This would benefit teen mothers greatly. Research has shown that, “The worst fear of many pregnant teens is feeling disconnected from other people in their lives,” and that “feeling alone and scared is a common reaction.” A program pairing them with experienced mothers who can guide them and to whom they can direct any questions would provide them with a sense of connection, as the community in which a teen mother lives causes a very wide-ranging impact.

Such mentoring is important for the life of the teen mother and the development of her baby. Teen mothers are just as warm and caring as others, but tend to respond less to their infants, and have unrealistic expectations. They tend to be less sensitive to their needs, or perceive them as more difficult. The stressful transition to being a parent is “complicated by potentially poor support networks.” Support from Godly people will make the transition much less stressful, and enable such a girl to be the wonderful mother God wants her to be. Even if her parents are willing to help her, it’s important for such a teen to learn to be a good parent on her own, handling the responsibility herself, successfully providing and caring for one child before having another.

Shelters and intervention programs often fail to focus on the important things a home environment offers, like family values and life skills. They focus on preventing problems, and of course, don’t handle things like helping such girls focus on God, rather than on boyfriends. Many people turn to sciences such as psychology, which try to steer clear of moral judgments, but it is imperative that we keep our eyes on God, as His guidance is crucial to surviving in this world. Such young mothers need more than simply to learn how children develop and other facts. Such facts are true to the extent they recognize God’s understanding of things. However, it is imperative that someone provide spiritual direction, and – if they are unsaved - lead them to Christ.

Teen mothers need to know more than just how to know God, though. They need to know how to be mothers, and experienced mothers can help. This is why Paul told Titus to exhort older ladies to do this. Such girls need a positive message. God loves them, and is just waiting to fill them with the same love and passion that Jesus showed throughout His life on Earth. He’s just waiting to guide them through everything, for He promises that in this world we would have tribulations, but that we can “be of good cheer,” for He has “overcome the world.”

This is why a church counseling ministry must help. People easily become too focused on themselves – or on the centrality of someone or something like a boyfriend – because they aren’t trusting God to provide for them. He wants to show people they are far more than forgiven sinners. God’s role in the teen mother’s life is a tremendously positive message that only a church can deliver. Such a message can instill optimism, competence, compassion, and other strengths to build resiliency and guard against problems such as violence and depression.

Another positive thing that can be encouraged in such a program is church attendance. Numerous studies have shown a positive correlation between religion and positive psychological development. Developmental benefits are acquired through social ties. In other words, a person will develop better through contact with others. As noted above, the loneliness and lack of connections teen mothers face show that they would benefit highly from a counseling ministry.

However, while church attendance is helpful, it should not involve simply listening to a message, entertainment, or games. Small group discussions, church camps, and other things need to be encouraged. It is therefore important that other young people also be involved in a church program for teen mothers. By introducing the regular, churched population to peacemaking and forgiveness - in Sunday School and many other ways – and consistently encouraging it, the entire church can grow to care for a group like that of teen mothers, and for each other. It’s important to emphasize that Biblical love and peace between others can work in today’s culture.

A program assisting teen mothers might take off slowly, because peace and reconciliation run counter to our sin nature. It would likely be other teens who bring teen moms into the ministry at first, as attendance in youth groups is most widely influenced by peer pressure and positive youth leader traits. Teen mothers will come from all walks of life, and all manner of circumstances, from those who had sex once to those who flaunted and continue to flaunt their sexuality even while pregnant. Especially with the latter, the tendency is to reprove strongly, but too often such reproofs are done in wrath, and they lose their effectiveness. However, words spoke tenderly, with genuine affection and concern for the individual, are much more likely to be accepted and listened to by the recipient.

Counseling would take place to assist such teens in many things. There will likely be some who are involved in drugs or alcohol use. There will be some who face problems like depression. It will be important to find the root cause of these problems, and what caused the teen mother to decide to risk becoming pregnant. This part of the program will focus on helping them to develop proper ways to think about the problems they have faced in their lives, with solutions that lead to them embracing Godly virtues. It is important that such young teens feel accepted, but at the same time, it is dangerously easy to provide “acceptance without the atonement, and understanding without forgiveness.” Teens must develop an intimate relationship with God, “dethroning the false self” that caused them to rely on themselves for things. Any Christian therapy should be involved in healing the person’s soul, and building Christian character.

Individuals would be assessed according to their age, whether they were pregnant or had already given birth, and their family’s situation. Ideally each older woman would have one child to mentor, so they could focus on that girl’s needs, though of course it will likely be necessary for some to have more than one. Girls with more family assistance would be paired with the same mentor, whereas those with little to no support or other difficulties that need addressed would hopefully not have to share their time with another girl. After initial counseling, the mentor could decide what might be needed in the relationship. For instance, younger girls tend to monitor their children less than older ones if there is little or no perceived parental support. So, the mentor may decide a younger girl needs more help as far as babysitting, perhaps with the new mother going over to the mentor’s home with the baby early on. Of course, clothing or food could also be collected for those who are needy.

One very important aspect is that of prayer. Prayer has been found in numerous areas to be an important part of a mentoring relationship. Such teens would be well versed in prayer, and their peers in the youth ministry would be encouraged to pray for each girl’s specific concerns. A prayer chain would be set up so if there was a major crisis, the youth group and the mentor would be contacted and asked to pray for the situation. Finally, the girls would be taught to pray with and for their babies. The goal of this portion of the program is to help them to nurture their offspring to the point where they, too, are Godly people. Considering the importance God places on prayer in the Bible, this part of a counseling ministry cannot be overemphasized.

For teen mothers to share their prayer requests, of course, they must first trust the mentors and other youth. The job of assessing the girl’s needs will culminate in deciding what kind of mentor best suits her. The mentor may help the whole family, including younger siblings. As mentioned, girls are more likely to become pregnant if an older sister has already done so. There are major benefits to babysitting younger siblings – girls learn to balance their own concerns with the needs of others, and feel more competent in their care giving, though those who provide after school care regularly can have more trouble in school, and may attribute inner conflicts or feelings to external causes more often. However, high amounts of child care by the teen mom’s younger siblings can have a negative effect. Delinquency and low educational aspirations are higher among siblings of mothering teens versus those of non-mothering teens. The only positive note is that attitudes about the problems associated with teen parenting are different among siblings of parenting teens. They are more likely to view it negatively, probably because they have seen the consequences firsthand. Therefore, mentors in some instances may also be requested to provide child care. Though younger siblings can take some of the load, they shouldn’t be asked to shoulder all of it.

A great deal of treatment will be helping the teen mother not to feel so incredibly stressed by motherhood. By being told to bear one another’s burdens, we are implicitly told to lighten the load for them. We should “be ready to afford each other the comfort and counsel, the help and assistance, which our circumstances may require.”

This may mean more than being a tender and compassionate ear, though that is vital. It may mean lightening the load for the family. It could mean tutoring; the home learning environment plays an important part in the development of oral and reading skills, and many teen mothers can’t or don’t provide the environment infants need to develop totally. They may need trained in the use and importance of literacy. Parental attitudes toward things like reading, learning, and so on profoundly affect how their children view these things.

More importantly, though, treatment will center on the spiritual aspects. As noted above, teens should be taught to pray with and for their children just as the mentors, other teens, and other members of the church pray for them.

Though it would be wonderful to have such young ladies become active members of the church, much more important is their relationship with God, as that will have a profound impact on their lives, and also how their children perceive God. Teens whose families had weak religious beliefs are more likely to drift further from their faith, while those with strong religious beliefs are likely to become more committed. Emotional closeness plays a big part in preventing drifting away, meaning it is important for such mothers to develop and maintain close bonds with their children.

And yet, family involvement in religious activities at home – such as prayer or family devotions – has a greater impact on adolescents becoming close to God than does church attendance. The church should not only encourage such interaction within the church, involving both parents and peers, but encourage interaction and discussion of religious issues outside the church, as well. Communication regarding religious issues is more important than family religious activities when it comes to parents, and equally important when it comes to peer interaction.

How is such a ministry’s effectiveness to be measured? Numbers should not tell the whole story, but certainly salvations, baptisms, baby dedications, pledges of purity from that point until marriage, and so on can be barometers. Teen mothers who draw closer to the Lord and who grow consistently – encouraged by their mentors, by their peers, and by the church – should naturally wish to do these things out of love for Jesus and for what the church has done to help them. It should be recognized, however, that adolescents are still young enough to feel the need to please those that help them on the outside, instead of making true changes.

More importantly, a ministry to teen mothers should be evaluated by how close these mothers are drawing to God. Evaluations of how often they are praying, reading Scripture, and so on with their children should be made; such things may be effective homework for initial counseling sessions, especially if the girl is saved.

In addition, the effort to help the whole person, and not just her spiritual life, means that teen mothers going through the program should be evaluated on other things, too. Monthly mentor meetings with the pastor or other person in charge should detail where things are going with their girls, and how they might best be helped. If one has been delinquent, or truant, or addicted, how are they doing at staying away from such evils? What can be done to help them? Also, are they remaining pure?

With some, it will be easy; with others, it will be much harder, as boyfriends and even their own family may pressure them to be like the world. The range of difficulties teens may encounter in this situation is great. Someone who has been through the legal system herself, for instance, would be a better mentor for a girl facing court proceedings, or who needs help in gaining child support or protection from a boyfriend.

Ultimately, the program will be evaluated based upon how well the girls adjust to motherhood, and whether they are able to form a cohesive family unit with their offspring, a family unit which seeks to honor God, where the Lord is glorified and discussed routinely, and where prayer and other things of God are honored. That could take years, of course. The fruits should be noticeable right away, though, in how these girls respond to gentle, loving correction and nurturing, providing the same confident warmth and love to their babies.

Even secular professionals don’t just help others – they are “powerful definers of problems.” The church has an opportunity to define things for those in a counseling ministry that will provide the recipients with not only worldly, but Heavenly power, by showing “God’s redemptive power within human life.”

Teen mothers are an important target group, as not only the teens themselves, but their children, will benefit greatly. The early stages of childhood are vital to later development, and yet such mothers often feel powerless, and unable to cope with the incredible demands on them. Showing them they don’t have to feel alone is vital. They can come to Christ for not only forgiveness, but also for the power to overcome obstacles through Him. They can feel able, through the church, to survive on their own, and return not only for worship but also for help with other problems whenever they need, just as they would to a regular home. It’s very important for teen mothers to feel they have someplace to return to like that.

This is best accomplished through means such as mentoring and prayer teams that go beyond the initial counseling phase – an initial phase might be over in a few weeks or months. Someone who has become a teen mother needs the constant support and compassion that Christ offers, just like everyone else. However, they need much more than mere verbal support and Bible lessons. They need practical life skills, too, skills which are best gained through a relationship with an older, more experienced Christian woman. They also need ties with a community of faith which they can be confident will not break. Academic, social, economic, psychological, and other outcomes are all greater the more family and community social ties there are.

This kind of program requires the church to take a stand on the sin of premarital sex, but we as Christians are supposed to tell the truth in love. The Bible warns against coming to harsh conclusions without giving the person a chance to explain. A person who has had sex and become pregnant as a teen may have many issues and concerns to bring before the Lord. However, by helping them to see they are still, and will always be, beloved children of God, and by providing them with the help and support to grow into dedicated, God-honoring mothers who train up their children in a Godly fashion, the church can truly demonstrate the love and compassion that Jesus showed throughout His ministry.

What is Biblical meditation?

At various times, Martin Luther reportedly spent hours meditating on one verse. Although we have many more distractions than he did, we must still take the time to focus on things of God, for many reasons. The Bible tells us to “meditate on these things” in First Timothy. Joshua, and we, are told to meditate on God’s Word in Joshua 1:8. The Psalms speak of meditating on the Lord, or His Word, works, law, etc., numerous times.

The King James Version contains fourteen uses of “meditate”; enough that we can get a good understanding of what it means. A short study shows that it is very different from the Eastern meditation which has crept into our society. Eastern meditation is very different, emphasizing the emptying of the mind, rather than the focus on God which the Bible emphasizes. We must, therefore, flee the false doctrine preached by those who would confuse Biblical meditation with Eastern meditation.

The meditation in each of these fourteen verses is clearly linked to an object or concept. The Bible never commands us to clear our minds in the manner of Eastern thinking. Indeed, the word translated “meditate” in 2 Timothy 4:15 is the same one used to describe the Greek practice of thinking and planning before oratory. Of course, we as Christians must never rely on our own fluency or brilliance; we must allow Christ to work through us, and that means getting our own selves out of the way. However, the rest of that verse demonstrates this, when Paul tells young Timothy to give himself wholly over to it. The “it” here refers to the previous verse; it is the gift he has been given. Whatever our gift, we must utilize it for the glory of God. To do that, we must meditate on it; we must plan to use it for His glory.

When the term is used in Genesis 24, concerning Isaac’s meditation, it is universally held that this was a quiet communing with God, away from the bustle of the household. It was a place for reflection, not for emptiness. Meditation can only give us peace, if is is the right kind of peace, the kind only God can deliver. If it isn’t, we open ourselves up to all kinds of evil. The peace we seek must be the “peace that passeth understand” from Philippians 4:7. If it passes understanding, then surely it is greater than that which mere relaxation gives. Anyone can understand that relaxing reduces stress, but it can’t give a peace that passes understanding.

Likewise, in each of the Psalms, there is something on which we may clearly meditate. We are to fill our minds with it. Whether it is God, His ways, or something else, this is a deep pondering that should cause us to have special fellowship with Him, as we draw close to Him and consider all He has done, all he will do, and so on. Psalm 139 doesn’t contain the word “meditate,” but it provides a tremendous example of what Biblical meditation is all about. One can almost hear the awe in David’s voice as he considers God’s awesomeness; it is, indeed, “too wonderful” for us to fathom.

This type of meditation is as far removed from Eastern meditation as the East itself is from the West. When we pray, like Isaac, David, and many others through history, we converse with the living God. He is not a God of the dead, but of the living. Eastern meditation, on the other hand, is about emptying one’s mind. That is a notion which is fraught with peril.

There is intense spiritual warfare all around us. We constantly wrestle against powers, principalities, and the rulers of the darkness of this world. It is spiritual wickedness in high places, and the forces of this wickedness would like nothing better than to occupy our thoughts and drive us away from God’s perfect love. While we can’t be possessed if we are born again, we can certainly be oppressed by the devils wiles. Indeed, he walks about “like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) We are supposed to resist him, so he will flee from us. Eastern meditation does not resist the devil. Instead, it invites more antagonistic thoughts, more worry, more fleshly behavior, because that is what the enemy wants us to do.

We should instead be focusing on God Himself. He is the God of all comfort, Who has promised to give us “peace that passeth understanding.” It makes no sense to empty one’s mind, when the very key to relaxing is found in Jesus Christ Himself, on whom we can – and should – cast all our cares, because He cares for us. We have a promise that emptiness can never give us. We have the promise that He will be an ever present help in time of need. The Bible is filled with so many great promises from God, who cannot lie. We simply need to put our trust in God. He won’t always give us wealth or health, but He will supply all our needs according to His riches.

Since this is the case, we must guard our thoughts and minds against anyone who tells us to focus on “nothing.” We are powerless against the spiritual wickedness in high places, but thankfully, those who are born again have the only weapon that can defeat the enemy. We have the Lord Himself, and His Word, which is the sword of the Spirit. His Holy Spirit dwells inside each and every believer. A believer can quench Him if not careful, but the Spirit will never leave a true believer.

At the start of his book, Joshua was told to meditate on the Lord’s word day and night. Near the end, he offers a challenge to the people; who will they serve? It is a challenge which is offered to each of us today. Will we serve one who wants to do us harm in the long run? Or, will we serve the One who has given us so many good things, and who helps us through the bad? Who is on the Lord’s side? It is a question that must be answered in this day of increased secularism, when the world wants to tell us anything goes. It is a question that we must answer “I will be on God’s side. I will be on the side which will win in the end.”

We must meditate on God, His ways, His mighty works, and His precepts. It opens up a treasure trove of great things for us. Focusing our minds on Him draws us closer to the One whose throne of grace we can go boldly to, the one who calls us friends. It lets us be made whole when we confess our sins, because He will move our hearts to be cleansed from all unrighteousness. It lets us be content which such things as we have, for He has promised, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5) It lets us be involved in His service through the great power of prayer, which we can utilize in any quiet moment.

With those, and so many more great things with which our minds can be filled, there is no reason ever to empty our minds, when we have a connection to the Creator of the Universe.